They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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