Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
