Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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