Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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