Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
