so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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