I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
