Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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