You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
