When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
