your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
