Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
