The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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