he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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