You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
