I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
