fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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