I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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