I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is Oprah even human
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Couch. On fire.
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