my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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