these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
