I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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