dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
