Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
