Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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