What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
