I'm really into asian looking animals
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he shaved USA in his pubs
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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