Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
