College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
