Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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