she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
