she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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