Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
