at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
