ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Houston, we have a squirter
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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