he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
