So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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