just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
