wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
