And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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