About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
