lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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