i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
