How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize