I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
