cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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