i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
