you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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