U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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