so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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