My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
