This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
then he tried to convert me to islam
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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