I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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