Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
