Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize