ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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