areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
barbara walters just said penis...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
