I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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