he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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