Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
