I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
