No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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