omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
