All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
